Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The iPod Shuffle.

Here's something that honestly hasn't been given as much negative credit as it should have. It kind of slid under the radar as a boring piece of shit, but that really doesn't do it justice. The iPod Shuffle is, like the Macbook Air, one of the worst concepts Apple has ever thought up. Apple needs to stop making smaller versions of their products, it just fucks shit up even more.

The Shuffle's size is the beginning of its problems. It's so small you could lose it inside the point of a fucking pin. Then there's the part where your three year old cousin swallows it and chokes all the way to the hospital. Or the possibility that you step on it, or that you lose it under the seat of the car, or it falls out of your jacket pocket and you don't notice because it weighs as much as a feather.

Some things jsut aren't meant to be small, but that's certainly not the end of the iPod Shuffle's problems. First, it doesn't even have a screen because of its damn size. How do you pick your music then? Well...You don't. It shuffles your music constantly, so if you want to play a certain song, you can fucking forget about and kick yourself in the face for actually buying an iPod Shuffle.

Oh and, the maximum space capacity for the Shuffle is 2GB. Try having any meaningful amount of music on 2GB of space. What's that? You can't do that, Tim? I didn't think so. Enjoy your aids and fail.

Of course, the excitement doesn't stop here. Introducing Apple's latest hip product, the iPhone Shuffle. In Soviet Apple, you don't choose phone call. Phone call chooses YOU.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"Get A Mac" Commercials

Today I will be focusing on the "Get A Mac" ad campaign, marketed by Apple for their Macintosh computers. When not refereed to by their overly close-minded official name (Get A Mac? Don't tell me what the fuck to do, Steve Jobs. How about I tell you to stop being a retard and not be a Vegan any more?), they are more commonly called the "Mac Vs PC Ads", or something similar. I'm going to go through some of my (least) favorites, and explain why they are fucking stupid.

1. Mac Vs PC - Viruses

Ah, the age old argument of Viruses. Macfags love using the argument, "But our Macs don't get viruses, you prick!" You know what I say to that? Fuck you, I don't get Viruses either. You know why? I use the greatest anti-Virus known to man, and it's only compatible with Windows: Common Sense 2009.

This nifty device actually does the work of warning my brain when something could be potentially harmful to my computer. It works perfect, and is not overly evasive. In fact, most of the time I don't even know it's there! It works that good.

So sure, you can enjoy your virus free OS . It's the least we can offer you, since we know you are already going through the horrible pain of actually have to use a Mac. That should be punishment enough for being a complete dumbass.

2. Mac Vs PC - Better

I don't know where this notion ever came from, probably as propeganda started from inside Apple themselves, but that's redundant. The point is it's a total lie, neither OS is any better than the other at graphic design etc. For Movie editing, Apple has Final Cut Pro, and Windows has things liek Sony Vegas 8 (example). For Music, Apple has iTunes, and Windows has WMP/Winamp. For Photos, both OS's have Photoshop.

If you think either Operation System has an advantage over another in any of these categories, you can go fuck a goat. In fact, many of these categories have several notable programs that can be used on either machine.

3. Mac Vs PC - V Word

I don't understand how they pass this off as actual advertising anymore. Look at this ad. What does it tell the average user about Apple's product, or the competition's product, or...anything, really? That's right, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.

This isn't advertising anymore. This isn't even propeganda. This is blatent trolling that has nothing to do with anything Apple is trying to sell. It's basically a group of Mac Executives going up to random people in the street, kicking them in the shins, then screaming through a megaphone to tranfer to a Mac, all the while singing the most annoying song you can think of.

This, is advertising:

Monday, January 12, 2009

Moving on to the iPod Touch

Ah...The iPod Touch. A personal favorite of mine when it comes to raging about Apple's Products, because this little device is the prime example of how simply adding a touch screen to absolutely anything will make your product instantly ten times better regardless of its other specifications. Not to mention the iPod Touch/iPhone is the sole cause of this new "hip" movement where every phone and mp3 player ever must have a touchscreen or you become a total fucking retard.

Just take a look at this thing. The weak-minded in the audience will instantly be taken in by it's sleek design and HOLY SHIT A FUCKING TOUCH SCREEN WHERE DO I BUY ONE HERE'S MY CREDIT CARD NUMBER.

The more intelligent ones in the crowd will, at very least, reserve their judgment for the specifications and....The price.

The price on these things is ridiculous for the screen size and hard drive space you get. The 32GB iTouch, as of this date, is $400 fucking dollars. That is the most unacceptable price for a 32GB MP3 player I have ever heard, flashy touch screen or not. I own a Zune 80GB, and it has 48 extra GB of space. The screen is 0.2 inches smaller than the iTouch. Guess the price difference? The iTouch is an entire two hundred dollars more. Could a touch screen honestly be worth that much to someone, in place of actual useful functions?

You might say, "baawwwww, I don't need 80GB of space you fat fuck!" Yeah? Then buy a 30GB Zune, or 16GB Zune (I'm using a Zune as an example, there are plenty of good non-touchscreen MP3 players out there that aren't Apple products). Both of those are cheaper than their iTouch counterparts, by far.

And trust me, this amazing touch screen everyone praises really isn't the most amazing thing to grace this Earth since Jesus Christ made a bunch of bread and fish or however that went. As hard as it is to believe, touch screens can actually be an inconvenience sometimes. Like when you are such a fat fuck you cant use your pudgy little fingers to press the icons on your screen. Also, I hope you enjoy mucking up your SLEEK STYLAN HIP iTouch with your grubby fingers. Those fingerprints all over your screen will go great with the black gloss all around it.

Hey, guess what? The games suck too. Now, I'm not promoting the games for Zune (they suck just as much), but Apple hyped up the games part just as much as the fact that it actually plays MP3's. So the average consumer, seeing the commercial, will expect to get some awesome games. Too bad they will have to look somewhere else, since the games are terrible gimmicks.

Oh, and the headphones are terrible, yet add a huge cost to the final price. What a waste.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

First of all, the MacBook Air.

Seriously, what the fuck is up with that thing? What were Apple and Steve Jobs the Retarded Vegan thinking when they made this putrid piece of shit?

This laptop is so ridiculous I can hardly control my horrible rage...Where do I start? Well, a picture is worth a thousand words:

Look at this thing. Sure, it's small but that small comes at a horrible price. First of all, it's made by Apple. That should set off a multitude of warning signs all over your brain. Second of all, thirteen inch screens are for people in the stone age. I could get a laptop with a 13" screen for $600 these days, and guess how much the Macbook Air is?

$2,500 CAD. Twenty Five hundred dollars. A marvelous scam if I ever heard one. Speaking of other laptops, I'm sure you are eager to find out how the Macbook Air compares against other popular netbooks (for the record, I don't really like any netbooks, but this chart proves that Apple is the king of screwing their customers).

Image belongs too...Well, I couldn't really tell. If you are the author of this image and would like it removed, contact me.

The most glaring ridiculous flaw of this netbook to me, is the lack of an Optical Drive. Apple seems to be fond of turning back the clock on technology about a decade. Every netbook in the Air's price range that I have seen has a DVD drive. Second of all, the fucking battery isnt removable. So your dreams of buying extra batteries for when you run out of power on a roadtrip have just been crushed, enjoy it. Not to mention when the shitty Apple OS crashes, and you have to wait until the battery dies before it shuts off.

This laptop is an amazingly overpriced netbook that underperforms like nothing else. It is easily one of the biggest technological blunders Apple has ever dreamed up, and that's quite the accomplishment. All the Air has to show for the massive price is the fact that in can fit into a Manilla Envelope. Which, I guess, will be useful whwn you want to mail it to someone who gives a fuck.

My First Post

Hey look I made a blog. No one will probably ever read this, but I felt I had to vent about (mostly) how Apple makes shitty products and is alienating the entire world with their overpriced under performing pieces of plastic shit that Steve Jobs the Retarded Vegan pisses on then releases to the public. Deal with it.

I have a lot of catching up to do, there's so much shit that's been released by Apple, I have a big week ahead of me. So enjoy my blog, or don't (stupid macfag), or just never come here, (but if you don't, you won't be reading this anyway, so this part is totally pointless. I made it anyway). But, above all, you're a fat.